The Vulnerability of Christ

I want to begin by recalling the familiar parable of the Prodigal Son. The last-born son is a rebellious child who insolently asks for his father’s inheritance while his father is still alive. He leaves town and squanders this money recklessly on wild living. If the father agreed to the son’s request, he would afterwards literally disown his son (Luke 15:19).

Later after squandering his inheritance, the younger son “comes to his senses” saying,

“I shall get up and go to my father and I shall say to him
‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you
I no longer deserve to be called your son;
treat me as you would treat one of your hired workers’”
(Luke 15:18-19).

What is the difference between Guilt and Shame?

If you are like me, shame is not a word in your vocabulary. You will talk about guilt, but not shame. So what is the difference between them?

Shame arises from the sense that something is fundamentally wrong with us. When we have shame, we often feel inadequate and full of self-doubt. Although we may feel shame about our conduct, the focus is not on our actions but a feeling of failure about who and what we are.

Guilt, on the other hand, is about our perception that we have transgress some norm. We realize that we have done something we regret. It is not about who we are but what we did or did not do. This can be positive because it leads to regret.

Regret is a sense of loss that arises from following poor choices. Usually, regret has a positive effect --helping us to learn from our mistakes.

When we add the dimension of faith, something more happens. One of the primary roles of the Holy Spirit is to shine light into our souls so that we become more aware of our shortcomings (John 16:8). This leads to healing and growth.

By means of our conscience, the Holy Spirit sharpens our awareness of the things we should do or could do in order to reach happiness. The Holy Spirit also renews our vision of our eternal future as a child of God. As St. Paul reminds us,

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God,” (Romans 8:15–17).

Before I outline some steps for healing from shame, I want to acknowledge that if shame has led someone to serious depression or addiction, then the steps I am outlining are likely not enough to deal with this alone. You many need actually need the help of a counselor or a support group.

 

What are the Steps to Heal Us of Shame?

Step 1: Gaining Humility as Self-knowledge

The first step to our healing is to grow in humility. St. Teresa of Avila views humility as a type of self-knowledge. Unfortunately, since the pain of shame is often highly unpleasant, we suppress it. In our time alone with God in prayer, we may need the help of the Holy Spirit to bring it to the surface. We may also need the help of another skilled listener or friend to help us see inside our heart. Like the prodigal son, we need to “come to our senses” and recognize our weakness. Shame likes to hide in the darkness we must allow God to shine his light in our heart and reveal it to us.

 

Step 2: Vulnerability

Once we become aware of our pain, on a purely human level the antidote to our pain is vulnerability. This is extremely counter intuitive. Vulnerability is a kind of courage. It is the willingness to face uncertainty, to take a risk, and experience emotional exposure.

So what does this look like? Perhaps some examples would help. I personally have difficulty hearing. This could led me to feel inadequate and hampered many situations. I often joke that I am incapable of conspiracy because I cannot hear someone who attempts to whisper to me. To be vulnerable with people, I can acknowledge my weakness and ask for their understanding and support.

I am also an adult who suffers from ADHD. I can suffer alone in pain with the gaps and bumps this produces in my daily life, or I can be honest with people and acknowledge this disability.

Vulnerability is the willingness to face either victory or defeat, but above all take the risk of being all in.

Modern psychologists have proven that vulnerability is the catalyst that helps us to overcome our feelings of shame. This is important on a human level, but it can even have eternal consequences. If the prodigal son remain paralyzed by his shame, he would never have returned to his loving Father and experience the blessing of forgiveness and reconciliation. Often the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.

Even if our heart is pounding with fear, or a small voice inside our head is saying “you are not good enough” we need to risk entering the race. We need to ask ourselves what is holding us back? What we are afraid of?

Are we trying to be perfect? Unfortunately, if we don’t deal with our pain, it may lead to us to try to numb our pain with entertainment, drugs or alcohol?

Why is this so vulnerability difficult?

Vulnerability is difficult because we fear how our weakness looks to others. Dr. Brené Brown, the world’s leading researcher in this area says, “Vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness.” This is why I said it is counter intuitive. People admire rather than reject those who are vulnerable, but our fear holds us back.

I am reminded of the say saying by Mark Twain, “Now, I don't approve of dissipation, and I don't indulge in it either; but I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices.”

It would seem that revealing one’s ‘petty vices’ is a sign of authenticity, and vulnerability. Revealing and not hiding our ‘petty vices’ is sign of your awareness of the common weakness we share with all people. When we met someone who is attempting to appear perfect, this person is either hiding their sins and weaknesses, or not acknowledging God as the source of their strength to overcome them.

As Jesus notes, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 18:14).

Step 3: Our Transformation in Christ

One outstanding positive example of vulnerability in the Bible is the story of blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10). As a blind beggar in Jesus’ world, poor Bart would have every reason to think he was not good enough to warrant Jesus’ attention. Yet he puts himself forward and cries out, “Jesus, son of David have mercy on me!” The crowds try to shut him down, but he keeps crying out.

Finally, Jesus calls him and says, “What do you want from me?” He says, “Master, let me receive my sight.” … and Jesus heals him.

I believe Jesus Christ came into this world to be model and an icon of vulnerability. St. Paul tells us that Jesus

“...though he was in the form of God
did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave...”

What greater example could there be of taking the risk of being all in, of great daring, and emotional risk, than for the God of the universe to become a little child and dwell among us. Jesus calls each one of us to imitate him and be his disciple.

Often our shame keeps us from relationship with God. God does desire to move us forward to greater perfection, but this is not how we start the journey. Jesus said; “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Mk 2:17).

St. Paul notes, “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).

Are you feeling like you are not good enough? Welcome to the club! None of us is good enough on our own, if we were, we would not need Jesus. I truly believe that if we take the risk of trusting in Jesus, we will begin the journey of healing, and can hope to hear the words of the master, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities.”